Religion vs. Atheism in Parenting

A few weeks back, I read Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion say:

I want us to flinch when we hear of a ‘Christian child’ or a ‘Muslim child’. Small children are too young to know their views on life, ethics and the cosmos. We should no more speak of a Christian child than of a Keynesian child, a monetarist child or a Marxist child. Automatic labeling of children with the religion of their parents is not just presumptuous. It is a form of mental child abuse.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since, when I was asked the following questions by Ashok in comments on his Temple Matters post:

1) What is your opinion on children being taken to temples but not encouraged to ask why?

2) At what point do you think parents/elders should leave the decision of finding personal meaning in religion to the individual? What would you do with your children?

For a novice parent, these are profound questions, and it is important for any parent to think about these.

To start with, there is no doubt in my mind in fully agreeing with Dawkins. I was indoctrinated as a Hindu child, and chose atheism only in my teens, after I discovered and studied other philosophies. I did not have to go through a tenacious struggle myself, but I can well imagine different experiences for others. I would disagree with indoctrination of any kind. One must encourage one’s children to think for themselves, and choose what they think is right.

Given that religion is based on blind faith and not reason, it is hardly surprising that most religious parents blindly indoctrinate their children in what they themselves believe is the best for their children’s good. But what about atheists? Do atheists equally provide an open environment for their children to let them choose between religion and atheism?

Even as an atheist, I believe that I should not indoctrinate my child with atheistic principles. Even if I was raised as a Hindu, I will let my child attend a Christian convent school if it offers quality education, even though it may expose her to Christian traditions. I will let her grandparents take her to Hindu temples and let her see and have that experience. I will teach her not to discriminate among her friends based on religion if I find hints of any such thing. Over time, I would encourage her to think critically for herself.

So my response to Ashok’s questions is: #1 is pure indoctrination. Not encouraging children to ask questions is bad parenting. Not allowing them to, is mental child abuse, as Dawkins points out. #2: From the birth of the child. You can provide facts, information, and knowledge. But the decision of finding personal meaning in religion or elsewhere is a birthright of the child.

Of course, it’s not as simple as it sounds (who said rational parenting was easy?). When she asks me for the first time (whenever that is), “Dad, what is God”?, what will be my response? Will it be “Dear, God is a fictitious entity that many people believe in?” No, I suspect I will point at an idol somewhere and say “That is what people call God”, and thus side-step the question of his existence. If after a couple of years she asks “Dad, where can I find God?”, I’ll say “I don’t know dear. I haven’t found him yet. If you do, please let me know.” As she grows up, I will continue to encourage independent thinking. When she is mature enough to understand how different people can have different values, I can then explain what my values are. Well, I hope so!

What are your thoughts?

Update: 11th Oct: I realize that comments section on this post can be too restricted a space for many people to espouse their ideas. I have also learnt that this is a universal topic for parents who think. Hence, as can be seen from the comments section below, this topic is now a meme, open to all.

It has already been taken up by The Rational Fool, La Vie Quotidienne, and AgelessBonding. Feel free to take up this meme on your own blog and write on this topic.

Cartoon Credits: David Horsey, via The Primate Diaries

Parenting the next generation

I continue to be amazed by our precocious children. And I’m sure every generation before us has gone through the same amazement. What’s unique about our children? Nothing unique, in my opinion, just that as the rate of technological advance increases exponentially, the degree of difficulty in parenting increases exponentially as well.

I was chatting with a colleague over lunch about her kids - a 6-year old son, and a 3 year old daughter. Her son had an account on Orkut. She discussed it with him and convinced him that he was not old enough to have an Orkut account. He finally consented and they deleted his account. Her daughter wanted an account too, as her brother had one. Sure, there are Parent’s Guides to Social Networking, but in India, in many cases, the parents are not knowledgeable about how to use the Internet, whereas the kids are!

Her 6-year old son can take you anywhere in Chicago - in Midtown Madness. You name the place, he’ll drive you there. Her 3-year old daughter can drive you to Crooked Street in San Francisco in Midtown Madness 2, and shriek in joy by tumbling the car over Crooked Street.

Her son creates Powerpoint slides with ease, and is now dabbling in Excel by helping his Dad create his “weekly schedule” of play time and homework.

In the traditional heart of Pune’s Laxmi Road, a woman wearing a halter top with her bra straps visible happened to pass by. After she was gone, a 3-year old boy smiled and remarked “Sagla distay ki ticha!” (”She’s showing everything”). I remember being at least 12-13 years old before noticing such things - that’s a 10 year difference!

It is not just that children are smarter and more intelligent. That has been true throughout history. It is the access to technology that makes all the difference - it is the combination of enhanced intelligence and powerful tools like never before that is fueling the extraordinary achievements of the next generation.

It is difficult being a parent today, more difficult than it was before, because of this reason. And it is not just your own child’s security that you need to worry about. Your own child’s behavior can also affect another child’s security. Prerna writes about this delicate balance with sensitivity - where exactly do you draw the line between protectiveness to safeguard your child’s safety and freedom, so as not to stifle the child’s growth?

One of the core difficulties regarding parenting is of course, sex education. With sex education being banned in more and more states in India, this is becoming more of a parenting issue rather than an academic one. Nita points out: “it is a known fact that Indian parents neglect to do their duty when it comes to teaching their children about sex…and the consequence is that kids turn to pornography.” Paul has a thought-provoking post (NSFW) opining that it is better to allow children access to tasteful nudes that can deter them from tasteless porn.

I sought the opinion of a professional psychological counselor on this topic. She said that the right age to educate your child about sex is completely flexible and dependent on the child and the social circumstances. The education itself should, of course, be incremental and in appropriate stages. It begins with education about gender identity. Boys want to know how girls are different and vice versa. That’s where sex education begins.

From her experience as a counselor, she shared the fact that the most common question children ask is “where did I come from”. Looking at the fact that this question has made human beings build telescopes, launch satellites and planetary explorers, and write philosophical treatises, it seems this is the most fundamental, quintessential questions man has ever asked!

Related Reading: A nice, wide angle view of the Age of Consent, by Nita.

Photos: Copyrighted to me, of my daughter.

Technorati Tags: india, pune, parenting, sex education

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Fork Spoon Puzzle Solution

Here’s the solution to the Fork Spoon Puzzle.

1. Hook the fork and spoon together, such that the outer prongs are on the outside of the spoon, while the inner prongs are on the inside. Make sure the interlocking is firm. They should now be like a single, boomerang shaped object.

2. Insert the matchstick from the center of the fork prongs. Position it so that it also touches the spoon’s edge.

3. Balance the fork-spoon object by placing the matchstick on the edge of the glass.

4. If you’re showing this off to your friends, you can also burn the ends of the matchstick for added effect!

Here’s the YouTube video:

Technorati Tags: science, puzzles, fun, riddles, children

Fork Spoon Puzzle Update

Almost a month back, I’d posted the Fork Spoon Puzzle. As far as I know, only Rambodoc attempted a solution. He sent me a solution I had also come up with, that didn’t satisfy the real rules, so it again proved that we’re one of a kind!

That post wasn’t meant to be a popular post that would get the highest number of hits, and appear on the WordPress ‘Top Posts’ list. Why? Because nobody these days is interested in science, in teaching rationality to their children, or learning about basic science stuff all over again! “Oh my god, we went through this in school already, not again!”

But aren’t bloggers different from this public? The puzzle doesn’t require any sophisticated equipment, just basic kitchen stuff. It is not in any kind of specialized domain like music or finance, where you need some background knowledge. You apply scientific principles when you load your luggage onto the airport cart. Put the heavier and bigger bags first, and towards the handle, then heavy bags next to it farther than the handle, then the lighter bags on top of them. We do it, because we need to carry our luggage; who needs to solve a puzzle?!

But think about the scientists who go on experimenting and experimenting. How many years did Descartes spend experimenting with light? How many years did Nash struggle with mathematics and play games to come up with Nash equilibria? How many years did our beloved Kalam spend trying to figure out missile trajectories that are now used by ISRO to send satellites in space?

We ordinary folks spend hours reading books about such great folks. We spend time writing about our love of them. The blogosphere is teeming with its love and praise for Kalam. Why can’t we spend a few minutes trying to practice what he and others preached?

This is not experimentation where you don’t even know if the solution exists (which was what these pioneers were mostly faced with). It is a simple puzzle, with a known solution.

Why I write so passionately about this is because I believe that only if we instill the scientific spirit in ourselves, can we pass it on to the next generation. We’re becoming a populace who abhors any kind of mental effort, reveling in popular music, popular customs, popular cinema, popular beliefs, and so on. What about classical stuff, that requires some effort? Isn’t it rewarding? But I digress.

As I said in the puzzle post, you can choose to cheat and find the solution quickly using the Internet. You would then be missing the whole point. Try to spend time and a little bit of effort. You’ll appreciate the results much more! Let us teach our children and the next generation how to go about applying the unquiet mind.

I will reveal the solution to the puzzle in the coming week, depending on the response to this post. Do use the comments section to vent out your frustrations, your questions, your criticisms. They’re all welcome!

Technorati Tags: science, fun, puzzles, riddles, children

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When will this stop?!

Disturbing news broke out to start the week:

Thirty polythene bags stuffed with the body parts of female fetuses and newly born babies have been found in a dry well near a private clinic in the east Indian state of Orissa, police said on Monday.

Police suspect the body parts - mainly skulls and bones - were dumped in the well shortly after birth or abortion at the clinic in Nayagarh district, 90 km (55 miles) southwest of the state capital, Bhubaneswar. The manager of the clinic has been arrested.

“Prima facie seems to indicate female feticide but we can’t be sure until forensic examinations are conducted,” said B.K. Sharma, Orissa’s crime branch inspector-general of police.

Police said they searched the well after seven female fetuses, also packed into polythene bags, were found dumped in a deserted area in a nearby village a week ago.

Officials said they believed the two cases were linked and are part of an organized racket involved in female feticide.

I usually write at least a couple of lines with my opinion of a news item, but I’m just shell-shocked into silence with this one.

Technorati Tags: india, gender imbalance, foeticide, infanticide, abortion, sex ratio, population, culture, women

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Fork Spoon Puzzle

I’ve always been attracted to puzzles. Not ones involving gimmicks or trickery, but those that are really ingenuous. In many cases, they are educational as well. My most favorite one was the fork spoon puzzle.

It is my favorite because the efforts that you put in solving it are more than rewarded when you see the result! The solution is nothing short of miraculous and most people don’t believe their eyes when they see it. It is a fun educational tool for children as well as adults.

Before We Begin

• If you already know about this one, feel free to share your experience via comments!
• If you are able to solve it, don’t give away the solution in the comments. Let others have fun too!

What You Need

• A Spoon (steel, not plastic)
• A Fork (preferably from the same set)
• A Match-Stick (wooden, preferably square)
• A Glass (with a straight, sharp edge, preferably wide-mouthed)

Goal

Balance the fork and spoon on the glass using the match-stick, such that neither the fork nor the spoon touch the glass or the ground. Also, the match-stick can touch the glass at only one point. Yes, you read that right.

Guidelines

• If you want to, you can cheat using the Internet. You’ll lose out on all the fun if you do.
• Feel free to ask questions if any, via comments.
• Feel free to invite your friends and blog-mates if you wish.
• Remember: the solution is based on a simple scientific principle, there are no tricks or gimmicks involved.

All the best, have fun!

Technorati Tags: science, fun, puzzles, riddles, children

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Impotent Initiative to Fight Feticide

This is to be read to be believed. The Indian Government’s Women and Child Development Minister Renuka Chowdhury has proposed that all pregnant women (and girls) in India, register their pregnancies with the Government. What is this supposed to achieve? Reduce female feticide.

Some activists said the government’s plan to create a pregnancy register in a country of 1.1 billion people - where more than 50 percent of women deliver children at home without medical assistance - was unrealistic.

Not everybody’s agreeing:

“We cannot give elementary health services in a satisfactory way to most of our citizens, and to talk about registering pregnancies is ridiculous,” said Alok Mukhopadhyay, head of the Voluntary Health Association of India. “Public awareness, empowerment of women and extension of health services are key in fighting infant mortality and feticide, as well as implementing the existing laws that forbid sex determination.”

I couldn’t agree more. And what does the UNICEF have to say?

“Registering pregnancies is good,” said Marzio Babille, UNICEF’s head of health in India. “If we act upon mothers by registering pregnancies, offering quality ante-natal care, good counseling to deal with complications and an efficient transportation network…this would enormously help promote institutional deliveries and strengthen and expand the safe maternity scheme,” Babille added.

What did Renuka Chowdhury offer Marzio for saying this - a free vacation to Goa? Oh, I forget, when did the UN care about individual rights?

Don’t be fooled by the ridiculous nature of the proposal - it is more insidious than you think. Forget feticide. This proposal infringes on the fundamental right to privacy of all Indians. This is a serious offence, and I expect that a lawsuit will soon follow demonstrating the unconstitutionality of the proposal. This can never be turned into law in India. We need different measures to tackle female infanticide, not infringing on individual rights.

I’m surprised that Renuka Chowdhury is even engaging in this kind of publicity campaign. Isn’t it rather demeaning of her? Does she have support within her own government for this stunt?

Our Union Health Minister, Anbumani Ramadoss, whom I respect at least for openly saying that we need our own Mr. Condom, said: “We should be ashamed”. But, alas, it was in the context of India’s infant mortality rate (57 per 1,000 live births). Well, one can hope, can’t one?

India’s Ingenuous Condom Usage

While India plans a six-fold increase in spending to tackle AIDS, it is desperately searching for its own Mr. Condom:

Mechai Viravaidya, a former Cabinet minister in Thailand, emerged as an AIDS-fighting crusader in the ’90s with an aggressive campaign to distribute condoms and educate the Thai public about HIV, helping to significantly cut that country’s infection rate.

K. Sujatha Rao, the head of India’s National AIDS Control Program told The Times of India newspaper, that India needs a similar figure.

“We are very serious about finding India’s very own Mr. Condom. He has to have a dynamic personality to change both government policy and public perceptions about HIV, AIDS, sex and condoms,” Rao said.

In Thailand, Mechai’s award-winning campaigning included visiting notorious nightspots to hand out condoms and holding contests to see who could blow condom-shaped balloons the fastest.

However, such antics may not work in India, because people are not only using condoms for balloons, but also for various ingenuous purposes already:

Of the 891 million condoms meant to be handed out free, most were used by road contractors, who mixed them with concrete and tar to create a smooth surface.

Health activists said millions of condoms were melted down for their latex and made into toys. Others were dyed and sold as balloons.

In rural areas, villagers used them as water containers. India’s soldiers covered their gun barrels with condoms as protection against dust.

Only a quarter of about 1.5 billion condoms made each year were “properly utilised”.

If this continues, the six-fold increase in spending will just go up as hot air in a condom-balloon.

I’m in the queue, so I have lesser IQ?

My cousin, an eldest sibling, alerted me to this news finding: The eldest children in families tend to develop higher I.Q.’s than their siblings, researchers are reporting, in a large study that could settle more than a half-century of scientific debate about the relationship between I.Q. and birth order.

Salient Points

• The study was carried out only on men. Researchers say sex doesn’t matter, and that findings would apply equally to females.
• The researchers looked at IQ scores in 250,000 men entering mandatory military service. They found a significant difference in IQ scores in 60,000 pairs of siblings.
• Men who were first in social or birth order had, on average an IQ about 2.3 points higher than those who were second in social or birth order. This pattern continued in the sense that second born men had higher IQs than the third born, and so on.
• The causes are social, not biological.

My Observations

• Interestingly, about a year ago, Medical News had reported findings about a similar study, conducted in the US, with exactly opposite results.
• Though the study doesn’t cover single children, the social factors that are cited as responsible for higher IQ in elder siblings would work wonders when there’s only a single child. So does this mean countries like China, with a one-child-per-family program will produce a nation of geniuses?

For Parents

• Parents should not be unduly concerned about these results. Having high IQ and knowing how to use it are different attributes.
• A child might score a few points lower in their IQ but have other assets such as curiosity, imagination and what is increasingly being called “emotional intelligence” that helps them use their IQ more effectively.
• If you have several children, then spending some one-to-one time with each one is probably a good thing to do but if you can’t manage it, don’t lose sleep over it.
• Parents who recognize the different niches that their children fill can enhance the family’s intellectual environment by exploiting each child’s expertise, researchers say.
• While even slight differences in I.Q. score can be important for some, the test measures a narrow set of skills. Excessive attention to it can blind parents to the diverse and equally rich expertise that later-born children usually develop.

For Elder Siblings

• Chill out!

For Younger Siblings

Don’t despair:

• You can kill your elder siblings (as suggested by another youngest-in-family cousin)
• If the above sounds anathema to you (even if you have low IQ), you can encourage your parents to have more children (so you’ll have higher IQ than them)
• You already have impressive friends and are in distinguished company
• Evidence suggests that younger siblings are more likely than older ones to take risks based on their knowledge and instincts.
• The study did not look at the effect of age gaps on IQ. But previous research has suggested that a younger sibling with a large enough age gap might be able to recoup the IQ points.
• The study was conducted in Norway. If you’re Norwegian, as per Asterix, you’ve nothing to fear. Even if you’re not, you’ve nothing to fear. The study doesn’t talk about cultural differences in upbringing.
• It doesn’t mean younger siblings aren’t more intelligent in other ways, like emotional intelligence.

Further, the New York Times quotes experts:

To distinguish themselves, younger siblings often develop other skills, like social charm, a good curveball, mastery of the electric bass, acting skills. They are developing diverse interests and expertise that the I.Q. tests do not measure.

This kind of experimentation might explain evidence that younger siblings often live more adventurous lives than their older brother or sister. They are more likely to participate in dangerous sports than eldest children, and more likely to travel to exotic places. They tend to be less conventional than firstborns, and some of the most provocative and influential figures in science spent their childhoods in the shadow of an older brother or sister.

Firstborns have won more Nobel Prizes in science than younger siblings, but often by advancing current understanding, rather than overturning it.

It’s the difference between every-year or every-decade creativity and every-century creativity,” Dr. Sulloway said, “between innovation and radical innovation”.

INTJ Resources and Links

I have consistently found a lot of traffic to my blog with searches related to INTJ. One of the reasons for this, I think, is that there is no good “Index” site for INTJs. One needs to search and then visit a lot of pages in an exploratory fashion to really get what you’re looking for. Hence this post.

Notes:

1. I’m omitting all sites that are primarily commercial in nature or offer too many ads.

2. I’m sure INTJs will love a nice capsule of information like this. Before you leave this blog, if you find this useful, I request you take a moment to comment.

Because as this article states: “if too much feeling is suppressed, INTJs may build up pressure and find expression in inappropriate ways. Their feeling needs to be used constructively, such as through appreciation of other people. Given their talent for analysis, appreciation may be hard for INTJs, but they will find it helpful on the job as well as in personal relationships.”

3. Also, do read some of my posts related to INTJs.

INTJ Personality Profile

The classic profile description and functional analysis. Start here.

Portrait of an INTJ, also must read.

One of the most insightful descriptions at Murray State University.

INTJ on Wikipedia - says it all.

Descriptions of INTJs from a social perspective.

By now, you’ll have some questions. Does introvert mean shy? How to deal with INTJs? How about gender, sex, religion, profession?

Most of these are answered in this INTJ FAQ.

INTJ Relationships

Find out your strengths and weaknesses, and how you’re as a parent or a friend.

A badly designed site, nonetheless has some more ‘academic’ information.

Worth one-time visit, to check out how INTJs can contribute to a team, how they deal with stress, etc.

Worth one-time visit, to check out how Introverts deal with stress.

Introversion

Revenge of the Introverts
“With the continuous enhancement of pagers, teleconferencing, cellular phones, and the development of personal communicators, a growing verbal inferno threatens to engulf the world’s quieter individuals. Yet, silent as they may be, introverts can have a lot to say given the right forum. They’ve found that the internet can help them communicate in their preferred manner; a written dialogue with time to pause for thought and analysis.”
An excellent article that sheds light on why introverts like INTJs prefer email to phone, among other things.

Introverts in an Extroverted World
An excellent article describing challenges faced by introverts, and tips for parents on how to raise an introverted child.

Love

INTJ Love Tips
Few tips on love.

How to love an INTJ - Tips if your partner is an INTJ

Daily Life

Some down-to-earth descriptions of what it means to live as an INTJ. Astounding number of posts, but I don’t think that’s a problem for INTJs!

Forums

A moderately active forum of a community of about 220 INTJs.

Acknowledgments

Thanks to Pamela for the excellent Murray State University link.

Feedback

Do please let me know through your comments if you find this useful. If it does prove useful, I’ll expand it. Thanks!

Technorati Tags: intj, mastermind, rational mastermind, personality, psychology, MBTI, personality types

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